“My research revealed, in part, how many different ways there are to be territorial, and to be successful, in male frogs. In Madagascan poison frogs, there are multiple routes to success, both naturally and sexually selected—males can succeed, evolutionarily, by holding high-quality territories, and they can also succeed by having no territories at all (but by being rather more sneaky). Wide variance in strategy, and shifting strategies under different conditions, is well studied in animal behavior and game theory.” Heather E. Heying
The above quote was taken from an Article Heather wrote for Quillette on Toxic Femininity. It describes male behaviour in amphibian frogs, studying nature helps us better understand our human biological drives and behaviour. A big part about learning why toxic femininity exists has been through studying male toxicity and our general biological tendencies.
Western women have been dedicating a good amount of time to healing the wounds we suffered from the past. Oppression, slavery, and violence. Those who were called to the task have done this in many different forms. Some have even dedicated their lives to it and died for the cause. Bless their souls. Within my lifetime I have been called along with many others to continue breaking free from old moulds.
The collective mind works as one unit, whether we can perceive it or not. Just before the #metoo movement erupted I was called into a spontaneously induced shamanic trance where I was guided to open up a portal to a dark dungeon where women were being held captive and tortured. I was led to transmute some heavy energies from the dark ages that were still affecting our current time line. Sounds crazy? Yes, mystical experiences can be quite crazy.
It was not in my conscious awareness to do such work previously. I was simply called forth by a power greater than my own one morning, which led me into a three year battle with some males in my life that were acting abusive both towards myself and other women I was in contact with. I believe many were called in their own ways. It was simply brewing in the collective body, waiting to be seen.
Shorty after that shocking shamanic initiation the divine feminine movement reached a boiling point and with it the #metoo campaign flooded the airways. We were in the myst of collective healing crisis, one which unearthed so much raw emotion both within the feminine and masculine bodies.
So many important discussion started to take place, especially revolving around our sexuality. Women poured forth with claims of sexual abuse and a desire to change the rules of the old game. We wanted respect and a greater understanding of our necessity to include the feminine way into our societies safely. Including how, when and where the feminist movement started to become fanatical, oppressive and intolerable to the very nature of both our feminine and masculine counterparts.
Due to our biology, women will always have the mating power. If you send a woman out onto the street with the task of finding a male to mate with it’ll likely take one twentieth the time to that of a man, if not much less.
Women’s power is our sacred cunt. The word has been demolished throughout the ages and reduced to a nasty derogatory word to define a woman’s vagina or someone who deserves little respect. The fact is, some of our most sacred words have been vilified out of fear and a need to control the forces behind them. Woman is powerful precisely because of her sacred cunt and her ability to bring forth life into this world. With out this miracle, life ends for us all.
So why are men afraid of the cunt? What does the cunt represent that’s so threatening? Well for one, men are sexually aroused more easily and more frequently than women. Arousal leaves them vulnerable and less likely to make intelligent decisions in general if not managed properly. It’s so basic but stemmed so deeply in primitive survival behaviour that it can’t be depreciated. Also, learning to control the feminine is more likely to guarantee them a secure place in the male hierarchical pecking order. Which in turn means they’re more predisposed to succeeding in the world.
Sexual Feminine Toxicity
A part of toxic femininity arises when woman abuse their sexuality to control people and circumstances for their end goals. This is especially true for females who use their sexuality to over-power a situation, group or a person. Women need be sexually liberated but also respectful of that power and definitely not abusive with it.
In our day and age if you’re using your sexuality to draw everyone’s attention to you to gain a sense of control over them, your living out basic biological behavioural patterns, traits of toxic femininity. It’s a less evolved form of existing that promotes high competitive environments for young females.
Basic survival aside, this becomes a tool for obtaining things that a woman deems she can not obtain otherwise. It’s used because they feel they have no other options to get what they need or feel worthy. The problem arises when they realize that reinforcing these high competitive environments leaves women more expendable in the long run and less respected as equals.
It can assist a woman in obtaining a well paying job, a financially secure husband or a certain social status. It’s a tool that can be abused just like a man’s physical strength and wealth power. If its use doesn’t take into consideration the impact it has on everyone else around them it’s unhealthy. Especially how it contributes to the way men are taught to treat women in general. A healthy expression of sexuality does not feel exploitive, it arises naturally, make-up on and the number of people you sleep with aside.
Since the women’s liberation movement, men can no longer control the women they have sex with. No one should be controlling anyone. We’re aiming for sovereignty from any form of unhealthy hierarchies. This includes women having more responsibility when it comes to our sexual power. As we work to educate men against abusing of their powers we equally need to educate women in doing the same.
Toxic Femininity as Mental & Emotional Manipulation
The next layer of toxic femininity is manipulation through mental and emotional control. It’s still a very complex subject because not all manipulation can be understood as negative. Some manipulation can be consensual and for the benefit of the other. This is the reason why people go to see a psychologist, to be influenced in a way that will assist them. Psychologist do this by manipulating the mind with the intent of liberating that person from their suffering, but manipulation is a slippery slope which insists on an important factor, consent.
We’re constantly manipulating other people whether we’re aware of it or not, becoming aware is the key to reducing toxicity within our relationships. Toxic femininity in this sense is consciously manipulating to control a person’s mood or decisions unfairly and without consent.
So for example a women might introduce her desires deceitfully. Play the victim in order to get people to do things for her, usually playing on their sense of guilt. She could use her horizontal thinking capacities to slyly take advantage of a man’s naivety in certain situations or manipulate people to prioritize her needs even when it’s not equally beneficial to both parties.
Manipulation includes so much it’s impossible to discuss all the ways in which one human being can manipulate another in just this article. In this context, toxic femininity is when a women refuses to take responsibility for her thoughts, desires and emotions, swinging her partner from pleasure to pain and back in an abusive manner, for prolonged periods of time, if not for the entire duration of their relationship. This happens when a woman has not learned how to embody her divine masculine traits. When she doesn’t own her animus. When she hasn’t learned the art of self-responsibility.
Competitive Toxic Femininity
Another form of toxic femininity is women competing against each other in an unhealthy way instead of focusing on uplifting each other and the community. Using deceit and trickery to purposefully disempower another woman to get ahead. This teaches the masculine that they can easily play women against each other, increasing their chances of isolating a woman and abusing her.
The presence of female competition is often dependant upon the age group of the women and the tribe they ascribe to. Women seeking transactional relationships often behave this way more so than women seeking deep connection. This type of toxicity is mostly driven by fear based survival systems and low self-esteem issues.
To conclude, the more women claim their power, the more responsibility they must take in setting the standards for how men should treat not just them, but every other women. A greater understanding of both men and women’s biological tendancies, fears and desires will help women work together to create new standards of interaction between both sexes. We’ve done so much work so far and from as far as I can tell there’s still a long way to go but I believe both men and women are reaching greater heights than ever before in bringing about a healthy balance between both sexes.
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Continued reading: Fractionation (Deep Code) – How to Steer Clear of False Lovers – Part II