When we chose the path of ascension—make the decision to unravel ourselves to greater self-awareness and wisdom— we usually begin to go through a series of ‘awakenings’. What are awakenings anyway? They are big realizations that we can’t go back on. They are realizations about ourselves that we were previously oblivious to. They are cosmic truths that get blasted into our consciousness and illusions that get vacuumed out. When you go through an awakening you have the opportunity to clear out your past karma, negative belief patterns related to deep rooted fears and societal conditioning that do not serve you.
We might wake up to the fact that we are thinking one way and living another, that our soul’s longings are not actually in alignment with the way we are living out our lives. This realization, when it truly smacks you in the face, can send you down a massive wormhole of resistance or one of empowered transformation, it becomes one of life’s greatest challenges. We all get to make the decision about how we wish to deal with the new truths that arise for us, and this choice will dictate how much we chose to suffer. If I’ve learned anything from this process it’s don’t try to fight it because when an awakening starts shaking things up there is absolutely no going backwards, only forward off the cliff into the unknown.
There are a series of things which usually occur as we awaken and let me tell you most people will fight with all their might to break the process of awakening that they themselves decided to embark on, only because it is most often an extremely painful process due to ego restraints and slow integration time. Firstly, who wants to admit to themselves that they don’t really know themselves as much as they thought they did or even worst they are completely not who they thought they were? We also want to rush through the healing and integration process so badly because let’s face it, we’re part of a fast food generation that says, “I want all the glory without having to do the inner work”.
Most of my life I have been a catalyst for others to awaken around me. Being an empath is one reason why this occurs but also because of my chosen life path, to know thyself and to be of service. When you are empathic you can often move caches of energy that are locked away in other people’s energetic bodies just by virtue of having a large electromagnetic field, mirroring and the ability to reflect deeper truths about someone back at them effortlessly, just by being your empathic self you naturally disrupt things. I have observed the process a lot from the outside but it’s nothing in comparison to actually going through it yourself. Looking back on it, if you’ve made it through, it will feel like a dream but while you’re in it you will feel like your getting put through the meat grinder.
About 5 years ago I went through the beginning phases of an awakening which was actually a really pleasant phase. It began with feeling the greater connection to all living sentient beings and the universe, this was a run off from my first awakening, that I remember at 13. This is the phase in which we really start to see synchronistic connections clearly and trust more and more the path that they light up for us.
A popularized part of our current collective awakening movement is seeing numbers such as double 11s or repeats of single, double, triple or quadruple numbers everywhere you go. In the initial phases whenever I would look at the clock it would be 11mins into the hour to the point where I would laugh out loud seemingly crazy because it was just so apparent that I was beginning to play with the universe and the universe was playing back with me, after all, we are both the observer and the universe, inextricably made of the same gooey cosmic stuff.
What the whole numbers thing taught me during its phase is that whatever we focus on expands and yes the saying that the whole universe is conspiring to help us get what we want is true but not in the way you might think of it. The science behind it is that there’s a part of the brain (the reticular activating system) which governs this aspect of our experience to ensure our survival first and foremost. This part of the brain was used for example to collect data about a particular berry or mushroom that wouldn’t kill us if we ate it. So if we found one of these berries or mushrooms, the brain would collect as much information about them so that we can more easily find them on the next forging trip. Basic human survival.
This first phase of awakening is all about becoming aware of this function and universal law. What ever we chose to focus on will begin to multiply and expand within our experience, not because there are more of those things appearing in the universe but because we have consciously or subconsciously decided we wish to see more of them. The desire to move away from something will equally produce the experience of seeing more of that thing too because whether we wish to move towards or away from something our focus is still on that thing. This is where the saying ‘whatever we resist persists’ comes from. This realization is so key to getting what we want out of life. It helps bring the things we desire closer to us simply by virtue of paying attention to them.
The second phase for me was the shadow work which led to a dark night of the soul. It’s when your focus from everyday living switches from the external world to the internal world. It’s when you begin to question who you are at a very fundamental level. It’s when you start to unearth decisions that led you to the life you are living, the job, your friends, the whole shebang. It’s a very uncomfortable phase and can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. You become hyper aware of your feelings and strive to find out what it is that will make you feel better than your currently state of being. Your conditioned thought patterns become very apparent and eventually all you wish to do is re-write your mental loops so that they can align you with the life you truly want to be living.
The third phase is when you go through a series of tests and begin to actively re-write your story. Your thoughts are loud and clear and you have re-placed many of them to create a better experience for yourself. You know yourself more and you are ready to make the changes necessary to experience life from an empowered place. If you are lucky enough to have a genuine soul connection with someone at this time they will assist you to make any last changes necessary to ascend into yourself for deep transformation. From my experience as a catalyst, like many of you might have experienced too is that a person awakening almost always needs a partner to first project all their fears and wounds onto before they themselves can take ownership of them. These wounds, that are necessary to heal, first need to be brought to the surface and the easiest way is to throw ball with a partner who can really trigger you on a deep level.
Once you’ve been triggered into pieces you can then start to clean up the debris, isolated parts of you that were actually left behind from your childhood and from traumatic experiences you’ve been through. Most people have trouble making it past this phase because it is quite painful to feel feelings you have been trying to push away most of your life. It is easier to cling to the projection where you don’t have to take ownership of your feelings. It’s always so much easier to blame others for our pain than to assume responsibility for it. This is where taking a massive time out for yourself and actually doing the work, internal dialogue, journaling and seeking spiritual guidance will push you through to the next level.
As you are taking ownership of your thoughts, feelings and emotions you become hyper sensitive to your surroundings, the people in it and the universe at large. A huge dialogue begins to take place between everything and you are a part of it. You understand through this hypersensitivity that your frequency—your state of being— is constantly being mirrored back to you by the way in which you perceive your surroundings, the people in it and the universe at large. This phase is when people can sometimes lose their minds and fall into psychosis. It does get a little trip but trust me if you have made it this far you are definitely in a good place, you are finally on the cusp of freedom!
What you have been given and shown will out weigh the pain of being stripped away of previous amor and all that has been weighing you down unknowingly. The reason why you merge so deeply with the universe and feel the deep interconnectedness of everything is so that you can align yourself more acutely with what it is you wish to feel and experience. Without this phase, their is no undeniable knowing that the universe is mirroring back to you what you are radiating outwards, no fine tuning and inner calibration can occur. It doesn’t feel like a blessing in disguise at first but once seen for what it is, a true appreciation of this phase begins to emerge.
Wishing you all so much love as you move through life and it’s phases of awakening! This is what life is all about, learning to love ourselves at a much deeper level, enjoying true authentic play and becoming more proactive about assisting change for the better of all. Enjoy the ride!
One love,
J