Since going through major changes in the last few years I have consciously worked on cracking open my internal struggles, very privately at times and very extrovertedly at other times. Writing has always been a growth tool for me and even more so as I decided to take the plunge and share some of the experiences I have had over the last year on-line. Shame and fear drive us away from sharing our vulnerabilities and sharing ourselves truthfully with others. We ALL struggle, including gurus, celebrities, millionaires, kings & queens but we’ve been accustom to negating and hiding this aspect of life because it is seen as weakness. I have come to understand with time that by hiding our struggles, we only stay half alive and we can’t celebrate in fullness our successes. I challenge you all to blog for 30 days and feel its gift of liberation from the tyranny of superficiality. People start to actually have real conversations with you while others run, the one’s that run are ultimately the ones that have trouble dealing with their own sense of self-worth in the face of who they think they are vs who others think they are.
We are all on a unique path, a life journey and each path is valid despite what anyone wants to tell you. My step-dad shared this important story with me many moons ago. It’s about a boy and a grandfather that traveled from village to village with only one camel, to shorten the tale, the moral of the story is that no matter who was riding on the camel’s back was judged by the people in the next village as irresponsible, cold hearted or illogical. No matter what choices you make in this life, whether they are based on what others think you should do or on what your mother thinks you should do or on what you truly feel you should do, you will be judged. At the end of the day would you rather do things based on fear or do them based on self-love and integrity?
Each person contains a unique medicine which they offer others as we bump up against each other. This medicine can only be felt when we are standing in our fullness of being. We are all composed of different energies that have a predominating vibration that give off our unique essence. Some people allow the fullness of their expression and others limit it out of fear. Some express it extrovertly while some express it through their introversion. As my dear sister and goddess friend Veruschka Normandeau says, “let your freak flag fly high”, don’t limit who you are to please the masses, allow your whole being to shine through you so you may find truth and liberation from negative emotions related to having to suppress yourself for the comfort of others.
Don’t be afraid to be weird, we are all universes upon ourselves and within this understanding comes the vastness of our make-up and the incredible variety of our inner worlds. Freeing ourselves frees others to be who they truly are around us. If you walk into a stuffy room, you can just feel the bubbling of life underneath the surface, people wishing and wanting to break free, have some fun, be loved and love. The more people limit expression according to societal standards, of what’s acceptable to popular culture the less variety can be tasted in life.
This internal struggle is mimicked in the outside world as corporate brands saturating the market, leaving little room for small business to shine their unique offerings. Now a days, especially in the US if you want to find a cute coffee house with a unique atmosphere and vibe owned by a kick ass couple you have to drive past 10 Starbucks to make it there. The loss of variety is the loss of inspiration, the lost opportunities to expand as we bounce our unique flavours off of each other, merge some and proliferate into others. The amount of stress that people suffer as they try to meet society’s standard of cool, as they repress their true unique coolness is ridiculous. Working just to buy the car and house that says, I’m rich bitch, I’m more important than you, rather than digging into one’s passion and living from that truth firstly is a life half lived. Or spending hours shopping for clothing and putting on make-up that says ‘I now meet societies standards of beauty’, rather than finding your unique style based on your unique creativity of expression alone is a loss of diversity. When we can erase what is imposed upon us from the external we begin to do things from a place of empowerment, freeing ourselves completely from having to ‘be’ that impostor someone that was imposed upon us to begin with. Instead we get to ‘be’ the authentic one that is liberated as he inspires.
I’ve always been a little different in the sense that I never really felt like I fit in anywhere in particular, I was that kid that stood up on the desk in 9th grade biology class yelling, “What’s the meaning of life?”. I am sure many of you have felt it equally at one point too, if you search deep enough you might remember that existential moment that shook you and awoke you to the knowing that what you see is not all that meets the eye. My biology teacher and I had a great relationship after that btw, one of the few that would talk to me with respect.
We are not meant to feel like we fit in ultimately, we are so so very different, our minds are so unique and as they say, ‘no two people see the colour red in the same way’, so do no two people see the world in the same way. But as we are born into society we are groomed and taught to think and feel similar things, to look at life in similar ways and to strive to be similar. Artists naturally advocate against mediocrity as they share their unique view of the world through their art. The more we are pushed through the cog wheel, the more our branches are trimmed in the same fashion. The more blind we are to greater truths out side one particular wave of thinking, with less and less outside thinkers to bring in new awareness, less and less positive change can occur. As I shed layers of my previous self, layers of conditioning from my up-bringing, conditioning from society and core beliefs that were simply there based on pre-existing fears of trying to fit in to please others I discovered one of the most important understandings of my life thus far.
Our struggle against each other is our internal struggle to be free. Sounds simple but try putting it into application. We get triggered by each other, we then judge each other and look to fix one another. We work to twist and dissolve on the outside what is truly bothering us on the inside. We can work to make this world a better place without being on autopilot responses to our conditioned triggers. We can learn to see objectively and clearly what needs to be adjusted without projecting onto each other but yet we still haven’t understood the concept and learnings behind taking responsibility for our thoughts and feelings. We still locate the culprit outside of ourselves.
Activists are taught about this in Non-violent communication, activism is no less effective than when it is done with explosive anger or finger pointing. We must not embody the pain of what it is we are trying to protect or bring to a healthy balance as we try and fix it. Just as much as yelling at the top of our lungs to help a child understand something vs explaining it to them in a calm manner will. We experience things subjectively but that doesn’t mean that we can’t maintain detachment to what we are experiencing. Maintaining detachment allows us to see clearly above and beyond our personal conditioning—small mindedness—the solutions not blurred by our personal lenses and attachment to success in any given situation. Fighting a fight worth fighting requires us to be self-less and openminded.
The more we limit our capacity to express our uniqueness the more we stay in small minded thinking, the more we limit objective thinking and solution oriented co-operation. What’s the saying, “we can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”. Albert Einstein. If we’re all thinking the same, we’re all living in a similar subjective bubble of conditioning. When Don Miguel Ruiz said don’t take things personally, what he meant is don’t be controlled by someone else’s bubble, own up to your own unique way of seeing the world and maintain that power with respect for other’s unique way of seeing the world too. Owning up to the feelings others illicit in you and taking responsibility for those feelings gives you the freedom to fully embody who you are on all levels.
It takes courage to step into our unique way of being and that detachment from what others think is also the detachment that is required to view our behaviour and reactions as our own. Instead of judging and blaming others for our unhappiness we begin to see where we ourselves have the power to change how we respond to outside stimuli. This way of living—free of unnecessary ego constraints—creates the conditions to constantly move inwards instead and heal within the wounds that caused us to be so reactive to begin with. Moving away from feeling victimized is the key to opening up space to problem solving the bigger issues in this world. Letting our Freak Flags Fly High leads to free thinking, free thinking leads to solutions outside the box, solutions outside of the box lead to progress and a greater tolerance for diversity. A greater compassion towards all walks of life and all living sentient beings.
I dare you to shamelessly be you but first you have to peel back all the layers that were never yours to begin with.
One Love,
J
Excellent !!