Woman can be some of the most vindictive and manipulative people I’ve come across when it comes to men. Why is this? Where is it rooted? Women are primarily known for their compassion and ability to empathize with some of the most notorious ‘evil-doers’. We can manage to flip anything onto its side, so as to find reason not to side-step our ability to love and care for the wellbeing of another individual.
This happens when we develop a strong connection to the divine. To be connected to the divine is to be aware of all aspects of self that are both malicious and loving. To begin developing integrity with the divine is to make a conscious attempt at seeing the depths of our own personal hell and our capacity to act maliciously. It’s to strive at understanding how those parts of ourselves might be harming others and to learn to rise above them, hand in hand.
So where is jealousy rooted within all of this compassion and divine integrity?
Jealously is Predominately a Subconscious Force First
So it’s not just women of course. Men can be insanely possessive and jealous too. These are primordial feelings which arise of out fear of survival. They go against our logical brain power. They trick us into believing that eminent death will occur if we do not box our lovers in, away from the beautiful and unique energetic spheres of other individuals. They are often rooted in abandonment issues. They arise out of feelings of unworthiness and lack of self-acceptance.
Jealousy often comes disguised, arising from within fear driven subconscious core motives. They leak out as subconscious competitive actions or consciously plotted manipulation. They shows themselves any time we seek to push another woman down with the intention of making ourselves look better in comparison. These subconscious actions are often unseen to us but very apparent to others. Even more so, they can be deeply felt in the part of our hearts that connects us emotionally to each other. They essentially close our fourth and fifth chakras down, which closes down our capacity to feel love itself and to keep a healthy open line of communication with our sisters. They generate manipulative behaviours, they hijack our ability to see clearly and to love freely. They create a separation within us that divides us from ourselves. That part of ourself that is intrinsically connected to the collective feminine body, or the masculine body for the man experiencing jealousy.
So, how can we heal this collective wound? My answer is to keep working on becoming whole within the self and embracing the fact that in order to do this we need to maintain many connections, on many different levels, with many different people. The more women begin to feel empowered, the less likely they’ll feel the need to separate themselves competitively form each other to get closer to a man. To gain trust in each other’s capacity to have compersion for each other is our biggest gesture of spiritual, mental and emotional maturity. We’re slowly getting there, to that place of freedom, as women all around the globe continue to rise-up in personal power and heart courage.
How to Become a Strong Interdependant Woman
I have to admit, I’m not a very jealous woman. I’m way too independent when it comes to relationships. Plus I find it unattractive when a man is singling me out as his one and only. What kind of person would want to try to stuff every last quirk of me into their box of chocolates? We all know where that leads, it leads to stagnation, expectations, manipulation and disillusionment.
The jealously I tend to feel is born from a lack of trust. So whenever I do feel jealous, it’s because a man is not being honest with me, not because I do not wish him beautiful experiences with other women. It’s very difficult to gain trust on this level because most men won’t even attempt to speak their truth out of fear of losing the attention and admiration of the women they’re engaging with. This is because most women would explode into a trillion emotional pieces if their lover told them they were having intimate relations with another while still engaging with them. Same goes for most men.
The irony is that most of us do have intimate relationships with a number of different people, on a number of different levels at all times throughout our lives.
We can be intimately connected to someone emotionally, which can often be more of an intimate connection than physical intimacy can. Or we might be connected intimately on an intellectual level. That is, seeing deeply into another’s psyche and relating very closely to their psychological make-up in ways unattainable with another. Or we could experience a closeness to someone through physical intimacy but not feel connected on any other level.
The father of my children and I, for example, have a closeness that even our modern day ‘couple separation’ could not remove, it was present when we met at eleven and it’s still present today, it simply can’t be shoved into a box. Nor can it be compared to any other intimate partnerships I have with any other human being. The emotional closeness I feel to one of my weirdo lovers is greater than I’ve ever felt with another, even though we don’t have a typical relationship that fits the status quo. On a mental level I have many lovers, all of which I feel deep relational satisfaction with, all bringing me closer to wholeness within myself. There are very few lovers which I’ve found a soul connection with, they’re the odd ones that don’t seem to necessarily fulfill any specific purpose or maybe they fulfil too many at once, but either way they’re uniquely profound and nourishing.
We’re all made up of many parts, personality, character, creative capacity, emotional intelligence, mental intelligence, physical appearance and spirit. All of these parts resonate differently with other people’s parts. This is the beauty of diversity, this is the beauty of life. This is the beauty of our multi-dimensional selves.
I guess anyone holding this understanding makes an enemy to those aspects in others that wish to contain all of their partners parts for themselves. The way that I see it, women need to ‘stop talking to man and start speaking directly to Shiva’. Shiva is the silver cord of love, intimacy and connection that weaves through all men and though every animus in every woman. This sliver cord that I’ve been obsessed with my whole life leads us to the parts of ourselves outside of self, those we need to love more. The greater we’ve abandoned those parts of self, the stronger the cord will seem to pull us into the sphere of that person, in absolutely uncanny and magical ways. That cord is made up of pure light, divine union in perfection of both polarities. It is in fact the cord which we are in love with, it is the cord which we are born from and die back into.
This also highlights why women have been known to be typically attracted to bad boys. In general, within the feminine subconscious, we have not embraced and owned our darker yin and yang aspects. Until we do, men will be pushed into this role to feel attractive and powerful, desired and needed. To quote Carolyn Myss, “We’ll have war so long as the woman crave the bad boy warrior.”
What is meant by this is that so long as the divine feminine disown their animus we’ll continually seek it outwardly, expressed it in an overly exaggerated fashion within the masculine. When the divine feminine rise completely in their power, we’ll be balanced within ourselves.
There will be no raison d’être for over arching power to exist within the masculine to maintain such imbalances within the feminine. There are biological differences that will never completely change, or at least not within our life time but much will evolve that will create a greater sense of internal freedom and equilibrium affecting our motives of attraction.
Why I Stopped Labelling my Relationships Years Ago
It was a very hard pill for my ex to swallow, the look on his face after he proposed but for me to label a relationship is to put it into a fixed timeline or a fix form. As soon as we seek to force something into a fixed definition, by virtue of cosmic law, we lose it because we begin to separate it further from ourselves. To take it in closer is to let it be free in the ‘I Am That I Am’. Sometimes we wish to create the settings for an experience to occur and such type of manifestation is a pure gift of divine unraveling into becoming more whole within ourselves. Consciously devoting time to connecting with those parts we’ve denied within ourselves. For some that might take a life time of connection to one individual, for others only a few years, weeks or days. All depending on our intentions flying in and the star alignments arranging our precise moment of birth into this time-space-reality.
For this reason and for many other reasons, when my kundalini starts to become activated by another, I ask myself: what are those qualities within that I am trying to master within myself? Similar to when I feel distain for another, I ask what parts am I looking to own to become more whole within this great adventure of divine unraveling? Each and every connection leading us closer and closer to experiencing deeper levels of intimacy within ourselves, each other and the numinous.