I’d like to start this off by sharing a poem that I sent to a person over three years ago whom evoked much passion in me. I might have been his lover in another life time, as the story unraveled probably two, in one I killed him and in the other he killed me. Who knows for sure but for whichever reason, past life or present, similar childhood wounds or not, Kali engaged. Eros hit me with his flaming arrow, straight into the gut of my heart and the pain of its offence was felt immediately, my deepest sorrows surfaced.
The Sorrow by Oriah
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own
sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled up and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain,
mine or your own,
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
As the story of Eros goes, he was a primeval god, son of chaos, the emptiness of the universe, and so chaos it was when I was struck by his arrow and emptiness it eventually became. Despite such a depressing love song, we find within Ero’s chaos fertility. Within fertility a growing awareness and within that expansion a new emerging song and passion for life. All found through traversing the emptiness existing within the corridors of sorrow and destruction. The healing found by confronting the self in many various shapes and forms, through the Halls of Amenti.
The Halls of Amenti have led me straight here, writing this piece titled “Affirming Life”. In order to awaken we must first awaken all parts of the self but to do this we need to call into play, people, places and things which will help us awaken. Sometimes we call in angels and sometimes we call in con artists but we’re always calling into play what can only be described as consciousness. All of life is a sacred spiralling dance with divinity, both dark and light. Darkness is the ignorance and light what has been awoken.
“He who by progress has grown from the darkness, lifted himself from the night into light, free is he made of the Halls of Amenti, free of the Flower of Light and of Life.”
THOTH
To feel alive is to chose to dance with life first, despite the pain and despite what has been awoken. Without making the choice to dance we’re unable to sit with our pain. I’m not talking about sitting with the external causes of our pain but sitting with the internal ones. Whether that be lack of forgiveness, anger, shame or despair. Often that unresolved pain itself is what leads us into making poor decisions, decisions which eventually help us destroy those parts of self which are ignorant. Who wishes to be or see their own ignorance? We are all blind sighted by our own ignorance to a certain degree. To be ignorant is to be covertly or overtly violent with ourselves and each other. Which is why awakening is the single most important thing we can do here on earth and why it can sometimes feel very violating, sometimes it is a literal violation of cosmic law.
Affirming life during this equinox is about choosing how I wish to grow and expand. We can chose from so many different paths, types of experiences, people and places to help us awaken. Some chose to play with darkness to transcend their ignorance, using ignorance to transcend ignorance. What we call the school of hard knocks. A madman’s circus, lights out, lions loose, walking the tightrope blindfolded. Others chose to play with the light to traverse the dark Halls of Amenti. To awaken the darkness and ignorance by allowing more light to shine into the dark places within. A softer and healthier way to grow and learn.
“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.” BUDDHA
Everything in life is a choice, based on where we orient ourselves from past decisions. When we are not actively choosing, due to ignorance, due to the gap between our lower and higher selves, life choses for us, in other words we subconsciously allow others to chose for us, or more specifically we subconsciously chose to make other’s ignorance do the job of awakening us.
The worst is that sometimes we see our ignorance and that of another but due to our childhood conditioning our habitual behaviours override our will power to act out of greater awareness. This is how we know we are not truly sitting with our deepest pain, because once we can actually get there, to that place, things begin to shift and the way in which we chose to learn changes. Where we were once choosing from a place of ignorance and giving away our freedom, we can chose from a place of empowered self-awareness. Sounds simple but it’s truly not so easy because each person has their own degree of pain to face and thus level of ignorance to work through. These two factors combined dictate the length and degree of harshness by which our learning curves are created.
Affirming life for me right now is about reaffirming alignment with people who will help me grow with the same respect, love and compassion that I wish to offer them. Affirming life is about following higher guidance (reason) and intuition. This can also be done by following our body’s wisdom. If you’re in-tune with your body enough, you’ll begin to map out the different sensations and what messages they are gifting you.
Buried deep within our cellular DNA is the language of our Soul. What is also referred to in galactic language as our star seed origins. Our searching for answers to life by mapping out the stars in the universe go back to the beginning of time. The body knows instinctively what is healthy and what is not, not the senses from which we perceive the external world but from the senses in which we perceive the internal – eternal world. We often don’t pay attention to these because we are too busy and too caught up in the mis perceptions of reality through the five senses. We get caught up in the illusions, the Maya. I’m truly learning how valuable this intuitive information is and becoming better at surrendering to it, ultimately surrendering to my higher self.
The solar plexus is the energy center directly connected to the gut, the second chakra. For the first years of our lives it’s our first charkra which is developed based on the quality of care our caregivers give us. Depending on how well our basic needs are met will determine how healthy our base charkra becomes and how secure we feel in the world.
The second chakra develops when we begin to see ourselves as separate from our parents or caregivers. During this phase of energetic development our unique identity emerges. We see ourselves as separate from the people around us and begin to explore our personal tastes, likes and dislikes, the ones that distinguish us from our immediate families, friends and tribe. Through this phase of development we identify our unique essence and connect back to our star origins, the energetic throne upon which our unique soul signature reigns.
The third charkra develops when we begin to express our uniqueness out into the world through our personality. Depending on how the people around us accepted our unique energetic offering will determine how much confidence we’ve developed to shine our soul out into the world. If we were constantly told that who we are is not who we should be, our personal power center struggled to develop and we usually have poor personal boundaries in our relationships. During this learning phase, if this energetic center developed through ignorance, relationship dynamics based in pain, a specific learning pattern sets in, which guides our love relationship patterns as well.
The third chakra is also the seat of our personal intuition. Signals from the second chakra, the gut, are sent up through the filter of our third chakra, the house of personal power. If we grow and develop through the pain of another we learn to ignore our intuition, the soul which wants to shine through. It becomes dulled through lack of self-confidence and personal identity awareness. To awaken we must honour the messages of our higher selves which guides us towards health, happiness, success and relationships based in love, respect and compassion.
As I learn to deepen the connection with my higher guidance and wisdom I’m learning to distinguish between the various sensations my personal intuition offers. When I’m ignoring my intuition entirely I feel a twisting and turning in my solar plexus. This means that if I go through with the action, decision or behaviour my intuition is going against, I’ll be learning through hard knocks, through my own ignorance and the ignorance of others. Worse, if I feel like my energy is being drained through a tube, leaking directly out from my solar plexus, I am dealing with someone who is consciously taking advantage of my limited awareness and kindness. Someone who’s potentially aware of their own ignorance but choses to use it against the wellbeing of another. We call this malintent. Some people have no problem using others to their own advantage, this is a sad fact about the current state of the world. Their pain is so deep and buried they lose themselves somewhere within the Halls of Amenti and never make it to the Omega Point, the noosphere which is the highest level of consciousness attainable, instead they revisit the same lessons lifetime after lifetime.
The Omega Point is to exist from a place of total compassion, total awareness and unconditional Love. It is a place where no harm can be unforgiven but also a place where no harm is consciously inflicted. To get there one must learn to merge their physical self with their higher self.
It is a place where all ignorance and darkness within has been integrated. The soul is no longer fragmented, it has become whole and absolute. It is a place where universal forces are weighed before every action and cosmic law becomes the only internal guiding force.
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