Most of my life I’ve considered myself a tom boy. I’m known to be assertive and determined, I have a forward moving energy that is typically associated with the masculine, yang qualities. Aside from that I am a very feminine being, peaceful, open, receptive and flowing. We are always a bit of both depending where we are on our paths, hoping for the masculine & feminine qualities within to find their balance inside and out somewhere along the way and to be maintained day after day in perfect harmony.
I organized a workshop in Hawaii last year February that was all about tapping into and harnessing the feminine fire within. It was an incredible journey that brought me to my knees before some of the great feminine goddess energies that influence this earth and it’s people. Quan Yin, Mary Magdeline, Pele, Kali, Sekmet & Gaia herself. The journey inwards towards my feminine flame was cataclysmic to say the least. Our group was so in the feminine energy of receiving and flowing that the whole trip from A-Z just carried us around magically as if on a white feather or perhaps a broom stick. There was little effort involved in having everything unravel perfectly. We were in our feminine flow and opened to all we could embrace after deeply planting our seeds of intentions the months before departure, within the appropriate ebbs and flow of the cosmic energy, lunar cycles as well as using diligent planning and structure to birth it forth. I came home a new woman, deeply committed to healing my feminine wounds and allowing myself to open up to simply receiving more of life’s amazing offerings.
And so, as the time moved forward after my return I did in fact feel more of a connection to my inner unique feminine flame, to other men & women’s flames, their creativity, their sweetness, to my inner sanctuary of self-love, forgiveness & compassion, my intuition, my receptivity and to the greater cosmos, ultimately my womb connection to self and humanity. This was a very precious time, I even began to see this extra feminine connection bubble to the surface by way of appearing in floral prints on clothing I chose, jewelry and my desire to spend more time with women in general increased. I felt less in combat with my inner desires and more influenced to surrender to the tides of the ocean leading my life.
Flash forward a year later after healing many feminine wounds within I find myself at the feet of my divine masculine, a natural return within to regain balance and restore harmony from the deep diving work I pursued in the infinite waters of the divine mother. Qualities that protect and compliment my sweetness, purity, compassion and receptivity. Qualities such as being completely grounded, logical, protective, focused and linear.
During this process I’ve reflected on how that plays out in relationships, the premise of looking to find balance through finding the missing qualities outside of oneself within another. Looking to fill the gaps within through the partners we chose. We are each responsible to bring balance into our being and our lives, thus bringing forth two wholes rather than two halves that compliment each other. This is the only way to create a harmoniously shared experience. There are no quick fixes, although I think it is completely and ubiquitously possible to find a partner that fills the gaps of missing qualities within. I believe that ultimately that kind of set-up has a rickety foundation in a modern world. As soon as one is no longer compensating for the lack in the other, chaos ensues very quickly.
I believe that we keep attracting people that will mirror to us those gaps within ourselves where we hold an imbalanced masculine & feminine state. It will keep on reappearing until we find this harmony within first. It’s really tempting most of the time to act as conditioned beings under the old relationship paradigms and simply find our way back into the arms of the protector or lover but truly if we are to make any advances in relationship dynamics we are in need of doing the inner work of balancing ourselves first.
What always attracted me to the very masculine was that they are by nature builders. Not only does this energy understand the basic structure of systems within architecture but it brings to linear understanding the clockwork of the human mind and the management of work flow timelines. On a very basic level we are animals following set biological and psychological principles. That very logical and rational way of seeing the world increases the ability to extract the mathematical basis of how things work, the patterns within the data that bring forth the statistics and reasonable truths.
Where as what attracts me to the feminine energy is its creative capacity, the ability to see beyond the seen without a linear logical process of thought to get there and the ability to adapt to change without needing to know what the best next logical step should be, rather intuition leads, and lastly the capacity to love beyond measure. I feel if we are truly tapped in to our feminine qualities we especially have the capacity to envision a feeling and birth it forth to share with others. To take an idea from nothing and hold it up so that it can be built in the world.
When we are balanced in our masculine and feminine energy we move forward in a shiva & shakti dance. We go quietly inwards to find our unique flame and then bring it forth out into the world to build it with concrete assertion. We envision, we make love to our inspirations with passion and birth them out to be manifested through diligent thought and linear steps forward towards their unraveling.
Nothing in this world can be well crafted if it has not been touched by balanced masculine and feminine energy.
As we move back towards sovereignty we are required to find our balance within with greater pressure. The way I see it, if both people creating together have balanced this masculine and feminine energy within already the success of the outcome must be doubled, rather than working together as puzzle pieces trying to first balance each other out in order to produce successful co-creations.
I believe one of the greatest tragedies of our modern day love story and within any relationship of masculine and feminine is that the over abundant feminine looks subconsciously to the over abundant masculine to be the matrix builders both of mind and material, to take responsibility in housing the wild creative feminine energy. It has felt natural to combine forces on this level for centuries because the patriarchy does not give room within its structure for the wild woman to exist and roam free entirely. And to be perfectly fair, nor should we allow ourselves be in only a state of feminine fire continuously. If that were to happen I believe we would see the most incredible revolution modern history has ever seen and it would possibly happen a little to quickly, setting fire to all in its wake. On the flip side subconsciously I believe the over abundant masculine looks subconsciously to the over abundant feminine to bring forth creative passion and inspiration because our society has not allowed for the masculine to be freely tap into and express the tender emotional cosmic ocean that flows chaotically within.
Simply put a woman is a woman and a man is a man but in my belief we are evolving into both. 2017 has become the year I wish to be the builder of my own matrix, firmly befriending my masculine qualities once again while continuously stoking my feminine fire, setting a firm foundation in place to house my wild feminine flame so that it may bring forth even greater inspiration and vision to this world.
I wish you all much inner harmony!